Star Trek- Excalibur

[Darrell Lawrence]

An ANCIENT old story I had written years ago. Enjoy!

http://www.firedragon.com/~cfleets/story/story1.html

[p.s. Cargile]

I'm afraid I've read this first part more like an editor than a fan. It could be better than it is. Iv'e found writting to be both difficult and easy. The difficult part is that you have to know what you are writting about--in this case military (or simularly organized) protocols and behaivors. Its unlikely that an Admiral would be offering a drink to another while on duty. If this is your point, it shows an ineffiecient and weak organization. If it's a strong unit, this behavior shouldn't be characteristic.

Another weakness for the first part is that I don't know or empathize enough with the main character to continue to the second part. Getting a command is not enough for me to be interested. At this point I don't really care about Ken, Kim, and his niece, because I haven't been give a reason to care. I don't know the importance of Ken's promotion. I don't know what it will mean to him or how it will affect his life.
Ken is boring.

This isn't exactly a Teaser.

But it could be.

Originally Posted by p.s. Cargile

I'm afraid I've read this first part more like an editor than a fan. It could be better than it is. Iv'e found writting to be both difficult and easy. The difficult part is that you have to know what you are writting about--in this case military (or simularly organized) protocols and behaivors. Its unlikely that an Admiral would be offering a drink to another while on duty. If this is your point, it shows an ineffiecient and weak organization. If it's a strong unit, this behavior shouldn't be characteristic.

Another weakness for the first part is that I don't know or empathize enough with the main character to continue to the second part. Getting a command is not enough for me to be interested. At this point I don't really care about Ken, Kim, and his niece, because I haven't been give a reason to care. I don't know the importance of Ken's promotion. I don't know what it will mean to him or how it will affect his life.
Ken is boring.

This isn't exactly a Teaser.



But it could be.

Yo read what he said .. it an An ANCIENT story.. relax...

wrong place !